The White Heather Wifie
When the topic of Aberdeen Tramps and Ither Weel Kent Fowk comes up, the White Heather Wifie is mentioned with alarming regularity. Indeed it seems that most people who go down town regularly are familiar with her ways.
However, for those uninitiated amongst you, I will henceforth attempt to portray the typical scene she would be involved in:
Scene: Ootside Markies. It is a fine balmy June afternoon. Shoppers cross
the stage from left to right and from right to left. Occasionally one stops to
buy a paper from the paper mannie. Offstage, a pan pipe band can be heard doing
battle with one of the local preachers. A scaffie stops his sweeping to chat to
a traffic warden and as an old man shuffles slowly towards the traffic lights,
seagulls flee out of his way, only to return to their prize find of a discarded
donut fae the greasy mannie in the market...
Enter stage left: A Tourist and His Girlfriend. Both
hold cameras. They point at the skyline and pause to photograph Union
Tourist: My what a fine afternoon in this splendid city!
Tourist's Girlfriend: Indeed! Such a joy to admire the granite architectural
marvels the likes of which we have never seen before. See here is a quaint
shopping square. Perhaps we should sit here on these quaint benches and partake
in a spot of refreshment?
Tourist: A perfect idea.
They sit and unwrap their sandwiches. The Tourist takes a photo of the
seagulls who have gathered expectantly at their feet.
Enter stage right: The Heather Wifie. She is aged possibly
between 50 and 60, however the ravages of time and alcohol have not been kind.
Her hair is grey and her face is a worrying shade of purple. She looks haggard
and wind beaten. She wears dark grey "slacks" and the same leather jacket she
wore in the 1980's. In her left hand she clutches some White Heather. Staggering slightly, she approaches the Tourist and the Tourist's
White Heather Wifie (to tourist's girlfriend): Here you go dearie... Have
some Lucky White Heather! It's lucky you know!
Tourist's Girlfriend (hesitantly): Um... Thanks.
She accepts the heather.
White Heather Wifie: Now that'll be 50 pee!
The White Heather Wifie puts her hand out to demand the money.
Tourist's Girlfriend: Um. we don't have any change. Here you can have it
White Heather Wifie: No! Give me 50 pee!!! Or I'll curse ye!
The Tourist grabs his girlfriend's hand and both make for the safety of
the St Nicholas Centre which we can see in the distance. Exit Tourist and
The White Heather Wifie scrabbles on the ground for the white heather
which has dropped to the ground.
Sadly, it has been some time since the White Heather Wifie has been seen! It was rumoured that she was caught "in flagrante" in public with another tramp but aside from that nobody seems to have seen her lately.
So it looks like I'll never be able to get a photo of her for you.
Have you seen White Heather Wifie lately or do you know of her whereabouts? If so, email me and let me know!