MAF

MAF has tattooes all over his face and his name stands for Mad As F*ck.

He's legendary in Aberdeen for apparently beating up anyone that stares at his face for too long.

Actually, office gossip tells that there's two guys with tattooed faces - and that they share a flat.

I can just imagine the meeting of minds one fine Aberdeen day as they passed eachother in the street... and each thought "Hang on now! There's someone I could share a flat with!"

I'm not going to say any more in case I get beat up.

Markies Street Preacher #2

Now! Markies Street Preacher #2 was what we call an "in-aboot-comer" - i.e. he weren't from round these parts! In fact he was from Good Old America!

He was rotund, he had a quiff, he had a sincere face and! He had a STORY, a story I remember reading in the Aberdeen Herald And Post/Aberdeen Citizen/Whatever it was called that week.

Seems he'd been brought up on the wrong side of the tracks way back in Ol' Alabama... Got in with a bay'd crawd (bad crowd - I feel I ought to tranlate) - got himsel' inta drugs, drink and wimmin! He was goin' ta Hell I tell ya! HELL! BIG HOT FLAMIN' FIREY HELL!

And then (cue a bit of organ music) He found somethin' He found somethin' worrrrth livin' foah! He saw the Light! Ah tell ya! THE LIGHT! And he did go turrrn agayinst his wicked wayyyyyssss! And he did turn to tha LAWD and he did become a mayn of GAWD!!! And he did SEEK OUT THE WEAK! He did SEEK out the heathens! He did SEEK out the place where he could spread the WORD to God's unholy CREATURES!!!!

He did come to...

Aberdeen.

And it was here that he and Markies Street Preacher #1 would make their stance on each side of the thoroughfare and try to outshout, outworship and nay outpraise eachother before Aberdeen's shopping heathens... until one day, they did come together in holy mutual acceptance and have a nice cup of tea in the Bon Accord Centre's food court. If only all those with religious differences could get on so well...